Dumb at first yes, but no more. My savior was the fact that I did not ignore one specific e-mail from Verizon shortly after purchase—an e-mail containing links to several "Youtube" (owned by Google) instructional video vignettes. After just two days of hands-on learning, I’m quite adept.

In fact, my aptly named device suddenly makes me look smart, very smart! Demonstrating some of the clever and functional things that this thing can do to non-smart-phone equipped folks gives you an almost rock-start kind of mystique. It’s magical—in a weird geek-ish tekkie sort of way.

GPS with turn-by-turn voice navigation and Google Maps is built in. That means this phone essentially "knows" exactly where it is at all times. You can walk through your house, hold this phone in your hand and watch your movement in real time. Same with driving, running rickshaws—whatever!

Here’s where it gets weird though. While playing around with the directions function, I was queried by my ‘Droid. Something to the effect of, "Do you want to share your current location with others who search for you on Google?" Think about that for a moment. It’s a pretty profound question! Can you say "Big Brother"???

Then again, what a great way to keep track of your kids! If only I cared where the hell they are anymore! A ‘Droid could be very useful for tracking a cheating spouse too! Well, I don’t have any worries there either. But on the other hand, would I ever want anyone else to have the capability to find my phone (and by default—me) anywhere on this planet, at any time? The Libertarian in me screams HELL NO—at least not until I get Alzheimer’s or something!

I must say that Google is becoming far too omniscient. I am glad I own their stock though! A whopping six shares. At one time, I had ten. I smartly sold four shares (and took nearly all of my initial investment out of the picture) when Google hit more $700 a share—just before the big crash last year. Ten shares was everything I could afford back then when the price was slightly north of $300 a share. I think it might be time to buy some more Google though (stock ticker symbol GOOG)—and perhaps a little Verizon (VZN) and Motorola (MOT) too—all based on ‘Driod!

I’ve always been a Motorola guy. The first cell phone I ever loved was Moto’s Star-Tac—perhaps for it’s Trekkie-like "communicator" look. Just flip open and say, "Scottie, Beam me up!" Yes, me as Captain Kirk! It was functional, compact—and looked cool hanging from your belt. I loved it. I owned one within weeks of its rollout. Same with my recently retired Moto Razr, which was only a slightly better mousetrap. Now ‘Droid too.

But ‘Droid is a quantum leap forward. Too bulky for the belt—but WOW! This is no mere "communicator." This is more like Spock’s famed "Tri-Corder"—a multi-function omniscient device. Critical to it’s success is that it is paired with a strong Verizon 3-G network and perhaps most importantly—GPS and the geniuses at Google.

Case in point. During lunch, I had my buddy show me the exact spot where his hunting camp is located merely by my opening up Google maps and showing him how to drag his finger to point to its location and zoom in & out. He said, "it’s right there on that curve." I marked its location with a bookmark and saved it. I can now find my way there from anywhere on the planet—even at night, in rain or fog and having never been there before. Remember that it’s located in the middle of a federal forest that I’ve never explored. All I have to do is push a few buttons -or- speak the words, "Navigate to Todd’s camp." Then turn-by-turn voice directions from ‘Droid very computer-like voice guide me all the way there. How cool is that? What if I take a wrong turn or (by accident or on purpose) take a detour? No problem! ‘Droid re-routes me—from wherever I’m at!

When it comes to smart phones, It’s clear to me that you are a neutered dog without GPS. When the world’s populated with bitches—that is totally undesirable, dude! And what right-minded bitch would want a dog that only shoots blanks either!

I get mobile e-mail alerts when stocks that I own (and those that I might want to own) hit my pre-determined buy or sell points. More importantly, I can now execute stock trades wherever I am at exactly the moment that’s right for me. I even bought Minnesota Vikings playoff tickets from my phone yesterday the moment they went on sale. A Vikings e-mail told me that they were now available. I did this at eleven p.m. at my local watering hole. Being a season-ticket holder (and providing the Vikes with a non-Spam e-mail box) has it’s advantages.

My final I-Phone rub really relates to AT&T. It’s the main reason I waited for the ‘Driod/Google/Verizon triad to roll out it’s smart phone. It’s coverage—or a lack thereof. AT&T’s often sucks in our relatively rural neck of the woods. They need more towers. I-Phone is currently an AT&T exclusive. My interpretation of the word "exclusive" usually means "pay more, get less," kind of like those velvet-roped clubs!

A friend of mine has to stand outside his home on the second fairway of a local golf course to use his I-Phone—voice or data. How convenient is that? I do believe that his I-Phone probably connects to wireless networks just like my ‘Driod, making it even faster and providing connectivity wherever there’s an open-source network. I’ll have to suggest that solution for data to him—at least until his two years are up. Want to use the phone, pal? Walk inside and grab your landline! I used to be on that network back when Cellular One owned it some four-plus years ago—a digital eternity. Coverage was an issue then. It apparently still is today.

The only feature I’m not sure I like (or need) is ‘Droid’s little slide-out keyboard. I never had a blackberry, so this is unfamiliar territory to me. I’ve got fat thumbs, and they don’t fit very well on these tiny keys at all. It’s especially problematic on the top-row, where the keys are slightly obscured by the video screen—even when the drawer is fully extended. I haven’t give up yet. I’m still trying to learn how to use that little keyboard, but ‘Driod’s on-screen keyboard seems superior. Plus it has a feature the slide-out keyboard doesn’t. As you begin to type specific words on the touch-screen keyboard, ‘Driod guesses what word you’re typing. Several suggestions soon flank the top of the keyboard. Tap on the word you’re looking for and ‘Driod types the rest in for you—thus reducing keystrokes.

Understand also that the capitalist pig in me regularly DVR’s that whacko on CNBC named Jim Cramer and his "Mad Money" TV program. That’s the show complete with obnoxious radio sound effects and overdone antics galore. Cramer is "Bullish" on what he calls, "The Mobile Internet Tsunami" the market-moving trends that smart phones are creating worldwide. There are multitudes of tech stocks both large and small that are fueling this tsunami. Companies that make the hundreds of tiny electronic components found inside, the tower builders that build out networks and the service providers who collect a toll along this new electronic highway.

The biggest players are Apple and Google. I own them both.

Cramer’s regularly gets stock picks wrong. All honest investors do. But he’s dead-right with this new-age sector he calls "The Mobile Internet Tsunami." Its rocket-like upward trajectory (current and projected) is real—very real. After the Christmas sales reports come out in January or February, I plan to sell my Apple stock—even though this is likely to be a long-term multi-year winner. One thing I know is that many households will have an "Apple Christmas" again this year. I’m just here to cash in on that fact—at least for the moment!

But the real, burning long-term questions to me are, what might ‘Droid be capable of in the very near future? Will it really kill the I-Phone and if so—how long will that take? Right now, every computer programmer in the world is looking to reinvent this wheel with his or her own app—and cash in big-time in the process. Nerds will soon indeed be like faceless rock stars. Selling their own tiny digital downloads to the masses—and quite likely for more than 99-cents a pop. Welcome to a Brave New World. And Eminem, Metallica and Miley Cyrus—eat your collective hearts out! Nerds will indeed soon rule the world—and it will likely be a better world because of it! Breathe in the vapors of the cloud! Go ‘Droid! You won’t be disappointed!